Here is some commencement wisdom for your wednesday:

Speaker: Stephen Colbert

School: Northwestern

Parting wisdom: Don't be yourself. Create an alternate persona and get a TV show based around it. Then laugh at the people who think it's real.

Speaker: Mia Farrow

School: University of Connecticut School of Fine Arts

Parting wisdom: No matter how bad your personal life is -- like, even publicly mortifyingly bad -- you'll come out OK. And seriously, don't date Woody Allen.

Speaker: Brooke Shields

School: Princeton

Parting wisdom: Don't listen to your detractors. Your prominent eyebrows are actually assets. They look quite pretty and everyone else is just jealous.

amen, brooke shields. amen.